HSG

*Warning this post may be a little long and a little hard to read!*
October came time for me to have a test done called a hysteroalpinogram (HSG for short because that word is TERRIBLE!) It basically is an xray of your fallopian tubes. This allows the doctors to see if there is a blockage that could be causing issues.
I was nervous leading up to it. A blockage could have required surgery  (which scared me!) But no blockage meant something else was going on. We would know immediately though how things were.
My doctors nurse had told me on the phone that I could drive myself. She said I would be fine but that J could come if I wanted him to (and I did!) We scheduled the procedure and waited for the day to arrive. I had read stories of people saying that it hurt and stories of people saying that it didn't and was no big deal at all. But even the ones that talked about it hurting still didn't seem major. Just simple cramping or quick pains. I was prepared. Nervous but ready.
We had to go to the outpatient area of the hospital. I had to register and eventually I was given a bracelet  (just like you would with an outpatient surgery. I still have the bracelet. For some reason I can't bring myself to throw it out!) When the nurse came to get me she informed me J could actually go in the room with me. I think I breathed a huge sigh of relief in that moment! I got changed into my gowns and I was ready (or so I thought).
It was to be a quick procedure. No more than 30 minutes. We went into the room and I had to lie flat on a table with my feet up. I was shaking I was nervous but they kept taking to me explaining everything.  At first it was just like a yearly. No big deal small pain but no big deal. Then the dr realized my cervix was closed. She was going to have to manually dialate me to do the test. (Sorry the TMI). She warned me it was going to hurt. And oh my it did. My stomach began cramping worse than anything i had ever felt. As they injected the dye the pain increased. I had one hand clutching my stomach and the other was holding Js hand. I kept asking her if it was almost over, all the while trying to not vomit all over the place. (Again TMI sorry).  I must have looked pretty bad because suddenly they moved a fan to my head to have air blowing on me, a wash cloth was placed on my forehead, a lady kept telling me to breathe deep slow breaths, and oxygen was being waved under my nose! I was mortified (not to mention trembling and hurting!)
After it was over (and I was apparently looking better!) They went over my results and all looked well!) She said to see what happened and then we would try something else. I was able to go home. And boy was I thankful. I got dressed and J helped me walk outside. I sat while he went to the car (I really didn't feel well!) As i was waiting I began to get even more nauseated. I broke out in a sweat and had to go back inside! I was basically stumbling around trying to find a restroom.  I ended up throwing up and my stomach was so upset. Eventually I got ok enough to go back out to the car. I spent all weekend resting and hurting. But I was so thankful it was over and we could move on!
I am not sure I would have made it through that morning if this man hadn't been with me! Love him so!

A year later

Days and months passed and then suddenly an entire year had flown by and God had not yet seen fit to give us a child. I struggled a bit - but kept reminding myself He is in control. Because He is. In all things God is with us no matter what. I had a friend text me on Mother's Day of this year to tell me she was praying for me. She had no idea what had been going on, but I was thankful that God laid it on her heart to reach out to me.
In February of 2015, I decided that I would not let my weight be a factor in having a child. I didn't want to wonder "if if just lost the weight would that help". So I began to exercise and eat better (and eventually lost 70 lbs in 2015).
By the time I went to see my Dr. she was thrilled with the weight I had lost (about 40 lbs at that point!) She and I discussed everything and she told me to really begin tracking my cycles. I had just recently started taking my temperature and taking ovulation tests. She told me to keep that up for 3 more months and then we would go from there. So I did. I tracked everything and recorded but still nothing. My tests were negative. In the midst of those I even had a few times where I took a pregnancy test just hoping, but they were negative. I clung to scripture at this point. Anytime my mind would wander to negative thoughts and doubt I just clung to the knowledge that God is good. He knows what is best for J and I.
I have been very fortunate to be able to talk to my mom and sister about everything too. Knowing they have been praying for me has meant the world. But finally the three months passed and it was time to begin testing.

Starting out

J and I began to discuss having kids about a year and a half after we were married. We had a big vacation planned in a few months and decided to definitely wait until after that to start trying. I remember the night we decided. We were sitting in our chair together talking about it and J just blurted out "let's do it". My heart rejoiced. I was over the moon. I had been ready but wanted him to catch up to where I was. We were so happy. After that Joseph started praying for us and for our future pregnancy and child. Those prayers have meant the most to me lately, knowing that from the start we have trusted in God to be with us through everything. I just never dreamed we would still be waiting and praying.

Why

My whole life I've speculated that having children might not be the easiest task for me. Between irregularities and how sick I occasionally got, I always had a feeling that having a child wasn't going to be simple. But I never knew for sure. I've started many a blog but I really wanted to write all of this to sort out my feelings, encourage others, and to document everything. I'm not the best writer or the most interesting, but my prayer is that somehow someone will be blessed by following my journey.