Thursday, April 21, I had my day 21 blood work again. I am still waiting for the results and will update as soon as we get them. Joseph is so precious to drive me because I hate going and parking, just to be in the office for like 15 minutes. We are in a major stage of waiting and waiting for an extended period of time just for my results causes me to be so anxious!
Some days are so much harder than others (especially when I feel like I shouldn't be upset!) Today has been one of those days. Everything has made me cry and all the while trying to be so happy. A friend celebrated the birth of her newest grand baby and while I truly was so happy for her, I cried when she left the room because it hurts that it's not me. I think i often get upset more that i am actually upset than i am about what has caused me to be.
Oh how I pray that I can continue and always find contentment in Christ. That no matter what I will be satisfied in Him and Him alone.
Oh how I pray I continue to trust in Christ through everything and every circumstance.
I finally had to call and find out the results of my blood work. In my eyes the blood work wasn't good. My level was .71 so definitely low. Not at all what I had hoped and prayed for. But I know that Christ is in control in all circumstances so I'm clinging to the knowledge that He knows that is absolutely best for me.
So where do we go from here? I will do one more round of Clomid - 150mg. Depending on how that goes, I will more than likely be referred to a fertility specialist. So pray for me. And pray for Joseph too. He said that he is fine with whatever I choose. So please Pray for clarity and certainty. I want to follow Christ in our decisions. So we covet all your prayers in every situation of this process.
So that takes us to today! March 12, 2016. I ended up having to do another round of provera and then started the clomid. I was so thankful my emotions were better this time. I still had my moments but they were not as frequent as they had been. No idea why, but for the moment I am thankful. Yesterday I had my day 21 blood work and now I am just waiting. Waiting to hear what my numbers were and to see where we will go next. (Although I'm fairly certain we will go to 150mg of clomid!) I am praying for a number over 1. Even that little bit of an increase will give me hope. But what I need is prayer. Prayer that even if it is not good news that I continue to trust in God and remember that for whatever reason he is in complete control. It's can be so easy to get discouraged and allow yourself to struggle.
So as we await the numbers enjoy a lovely photo of me after my blood work!
After the HSG I had blood work scheduled for my "day 21" count. Basically this would tell me if I ovulated on time or not. I had not had a positive OPT (ovulation prediction test) nor had my temperature told me anything so I wasn't expecting good news. However, I didn't expect it to be what it was. They want your number to be over 15 and mine was .4 I was crushed. Basically my body wasn't doing what it was supposed to. I held it together and the nurse told me that we would start clomid on my next cycle.
What she didn't tell me was that because of low numbers, my cycle would be off (and it had been off for awhile!). So I ended up having to take progesterone pills called Provera to make my cycle start. And then we did the clomid. So once again I was scheduled for blood work on day 21. 50mg of clomid. The combination of the two medicines made me an emotional trajn wreck. Everything made me cry and poor Joseph got to deal with mh crazy moods! Oh how I prayed it would work even just a slight bit. But then I got the call. Remember that number that was supposed to be over 15 and mine was .4? Well this time it was .35 even lower. She told me we would double to 100mg for the next cycle and then we hung up. I cried and cried. And prayed and cried somemore. All the while being so thankful for a sister who understands and a mother who is so sympathetic. I have a husband who is patient and our God who is constantly with us and never leaving us even when I feel all hope is lost I know he is there.
*Warning this post may be a little long and a little hard to read!*
October came time for me to have a test done called a hysteroalpinogram (HSG for short because that word is TERRIBLE!) It basically is an xray of your fallopian tubes. This allows the doctors to see if there is a blockage that could be causing issues.
I was nervous leading up to it. A blockage could have required surgery (which scared me!) But no blockage meant something else was going on. We would know immediately though how things were.
My doctors nurse had told me on the phone that I could drive myself. She said I would be fine but that J could come if I wanted him to (and I did!) We scheduled the procedure and waited for the day to arrive. I had read stories of people saying that it hurt and stories of people saying that it didn't and was no big deal at all. But even the ones that talked about it hurting still didn't seem major. Just simple cramping or quick pains. I was prepared. Nervous but ready.
We had to go to the outpatient area of the hospital. I had to register and eventually I was given a bracelet (just like you would with an outpatient surgery. I still have the bracelet. For some reason I can't bring myself to throw it out!) When the nurse came to get me she informed me J could actually go in the room with me. I think I breathed a huge sigh of relief in that moment! I got changed into my gowns and I was ready (or so I thought).
It was to be a quick procedure. No more than 30 minutes. We went into the room and I had to lie flat on a table with my feet up. I was shaking I was nervous but they kept taking to me explaining everything. At first it was just like a yearly. No big deal small pain but no big deal. Then the dr realized my cervix was closed. She was going to have to manually dialate me to do the test. (Sorry the TMI). She warned me it was going to hurt. And oh my it did. My stomach began cramping worse than anything i had ever felt. As they injected the dye the pain increased. I had one hand clutching my stomach and the other was holding Js hand. I kept asking her if it was almost over, all the while trying to not vomit all over the place. (Again TMI sorry). I must have looked pretty bad because suddenly they moved a fan to my head to have air blowing on me, a wash cloth was placed on my forehead, a lady kept telling me to breathe deep slow breaths, and oxygen was being waved under my nose! I was mortified (not to mention trembling and hurting!)
After it was over (and I was apparently looking better!) They went over my results and all looked well!) She said to see what happened and then we would try something else. I was able to go home. And boy was I thankful. I got dressed and J helped me walk outside. I sat while he went to the car (I really didn't feel well!) As i was waiting I began to get even more nauseated. I broke out in a sweat and had to go back inside! I was basically stumbling around trying to find a restroom. I ended up throwing up and my stomach was so upset. Eventually I got ok enough to go back out to the car. I spent all weekend resting and hurting. But I was so thankful it was over and we could move on!
I am not sure I would have made it through that morning if this man hadn't been with me! Love him so!
