My parents went with Joseph & me to meet with my oncologist. The office was old looking & every patient in there that day was at least 25 years older than I was. However, the appointment went well. She discussed treatment options, got a history on me & did an exam. I was still numb even through all of this. It was as if my brain couldnt fully process what was going on.
We scheduled an MRI because we had to verify that the cancer had not spread anywhere else before we began treatment. We had planned to head out of town 2 days later & luckily my dr felt completely alright with that. Joseph & I went to community group that night. I was really ready to talk much about it but the guys met separately & they spent about 30 minutes praying for us. The next evening the time had come to let our church family know. We had told the elders & their families, as well as a handful of others but an email went out & that was that. Thursday night Joseph & I left for the beach. We set up a schoolcast at work & notified all of the staff so they wouldn't be unaware of what was happening. Then Joseph & I went off the grid with my family. I ignored much on the phone & social media. We did find out that they prayed for us during church on Sunday & my community group girls videochatted with me so they could pray as well. Joseph & I spent the week cherishing our family & relaxing as best we could. If only we knew what was coming next.
Monday, April 1, 2019
Wednesday, December 26, 2018
Update part 2 - Endometrial cancer
Both my doctor & Brookwood had an availability in 2 days, so we took it. Joseph & I both got everything squared away with work & we went in in Friday, August 10th. This time, I was just going to have another d&c to remove the spot. My parents came up again and were able to sit with Joseph. Luckily recovery was much easier this time and I wasnt in nearly as much pain as in January. Because of January's results I didnt even give the biopsy results a 2nd glance. We scheduled my post-op appointment and were going to get everything going again before we went on vacation.
On Wednesday, August 15th, Joseph took my to work because he had thought my brakes were squealing & he wanted to replace them before we went to Ft. Morgan. He texted me mid-day and told me that when he went in to look at it, everything looked great & nothing needed to be done. Great! He came that afternoon to pick me up and we headed home. Right as we were almost off the interstate I recieved a call from Malizias office. I assumed it was verification for my appointment the next day, and I answered.
However, it was actually Dr. Malizia. My heart stopped because she had never been the one to call me before. I dont remember how the conversation began, but basically she said that my biopsy results came back & it didnt look good. Best case, they thought I had hyperplasia but the pathologist was almost certain that I had endometrial cancer. She told me that my sample was going to be sent to Harvard, and we would have results sometime in the next week. We canceled my appointment for the next day & hung up. I had to fill Joseph in ( because I stupidly didnt think to put it on speaker phone!) We both were crying & drove home. We prayed once we got inside & decided we needed to go see my parents. I called my dad once we got closer (so that he would be able to give mom a heads up). He was at a work function but left immediately.
We got there and I sat down by my mom and just cried as I told her that they thought I had cancer. I do not remember much about the conversation, just that it was good we went because my mom & dad had a way of making us feel better always.
Over the next few days we waited. We told family & a few friends, but I wasn't ready for everyone to know until we recieved confirmation. The days went by so slow. I cried a lot and if I wasn't crying I was numb. I had no idea what this meant for our chances of having biological children. I didnt know anything other than we were just waiting
Monday, August 20th, I had gotten back to my office around 7:45 & my phone rang. It was Malizias office. My heart sunk. I knew an early phone call wasnt good. I closed my door & answered. It was my doctor. She said the pathologist at Harvard confirmed that yes I did have grade 1 endometrial cancer. She filled me in on what was coming up & what to expect from the oncologist. We hung up, & I immediately called Joseph. I basically told him it was cancer and to get to work as fast as possible. I then called my mom and stayed on the phone with her until he arrived. The next 2 hours were hectic. I bad to wait for my papers to be faxed, I had to place a lunch order for work, & I had to tell my boss. But finally we were able to leave. Joseph wanted to go on a run so I went to my parents & to my surprise, dad had come home for a bit. I visited with them for awhile & we made a plan for them to go with us to the oncologist the next day.
More to come in the next post.
On Wednesday, August 15th, Joseph took my to work because he had thought my brakes were squealing & he wanted to replace them before we went to Ft. Morgan. He texted me mid-day and told me that when he went in to look at it, everything looked great & nothing needed to be done. Great! He came that afternoon to pick me up and we headed home. Right as we were almost off the interstate I recieved a call from Malizias office. I assumed it was verification for my appointment the next day, and I answered.
However, it was actually Dr. Malizia. My heart stopped because she had never been the one to call me before. I dont remember how the conversation began, but basically she said that my biopsy results came back & it didnt look good. Best case, they thought I had hyperplasia but the pathologist was almost certain that I had endometrial cancer. She told me that my sample was going to be sent to Harvard, and we would have results sometime in the next week. We canceled my appointment for the next day & hung up. I had to fill Joseph in ( because I stupidly didnt think to put it on speaker phone!) We both were crying & drove home. We prayed once we got inside & decided we needed to go see my parents. I called my dad once we got closer (so that he would be able to give mom a heads up). He was at a work function but left immediately.
We got there and I sat down by my mom and just cried as I told her that they thought I had cancer. I do not remember much about the conversation, just that it was good we went because my mom & dad had a way of making us feel better always.
Over the next few days we waited. We told family & a few friends, but I wasn't ready for everyone to know until we recieved confirmation. The days went by so slow. I cried a lot and if I wasn't crying I was numb. I had no idea what this meant for our chances of having biological children. I didnt know anything other than we were just waiting
Monday, August 20th, I had gotten back to my office around 7:45 & my phone rang. It was Malizias office. My heart sunk. I knew an early phone call wasnt good. I closed my door & answered. It was my doctor. She said the pathologist at Harvard confirmed that yes I did have grade 1 endometrial cancer. She filled me in on what was coming up & what to expect from the oncologist. We hung up, & I immediately called Joseph. I basically told him it was cancer and to get to work as fast as possible. I then called my mom and stayed on the phone with her until he arrived. The next 2 hours were hectic. I bad to wait for my papers to be faxed, I had to place a lunch order for work, & I had to tell my boss. But finally we were able to leave. Joseph wanted to go on a run so I went to my parents & to my surprise, dad had come home for a bit. I visited with them for awhile & we made a plan for them to go with us to the oncologist the next day.
More to come in the next post.
An update
I have sat down so many times to write this out & I haven't been able to. I feel though that it is important for me to have one day, so here I go.
All went well after January's surgery. Biopsy looked great & I recovered nicely. Joseph went about 8000 miles away for 2 weeks, so everything was on hold until he came back. Once he did, we hit the ground running. Unfortunately we discovered that letrozole didnt work for me. We tried a few doses but it never caused ovulation. Over the summer I got my "official" PCOS diagnosis. My blood work would never show that I had it, but I had all of the symptoms. Finally during an ultrasound, Dr. Malizia was able to get confirmation. (This changed nothing, but was nice to know).
We decided at that point to try shots. However, these were ones I had to give myself at home! With Joseph's crazy schedule I knew I had to be brave & learn how - so I did! Unfortunately the first round didnt work. We decided to do a 2nd round (with a higher doage) to see how it went. I had a baseline ultrasound (with a different doctor this time) and she saw a spot that concerned her. We had been keeping an eye on it, but this doctor thought more needed to be done. After she consulted with my doctor, they gave me 3 choices. Wait & see, go in an talk, or go ahead and schedule surgery to remove it. We had been in this exact same situation in January, and I didnt want to go through it again, but Joseph & I decided that surgery was our best option.
Monday, January 29, 2018
Hysteroscopy, Polyectomy, and D&C
Friday, January 26th was a day that I dreaded for what felt like months, but in reality was only a few weeks. We discovered on January 4th that I had a polyp in my uterus that had to come out. If we had left it in, and we got pregnant, it could have caused a miscarriage. So we scheduled to have it removed. While she removed it, she wanted to finish the procedure from the 4th (the hysteroscopy), do the polyectomy, and perform a D&C. (Note: I have not had a miscarriage but she wanted to scrape my uterus to biopsy it, just to make sure all was well).
My biggest concern was how nervous and worked up I can get. So anytime people asked what they could be praying for, I replied to pray for calmness and peace. Over and over again that was my prayer and the prayers of many others around us. God answered that prayer more than I ever could have imagined. We had to be at the hospital at 8AM. When we got there I was so calm. Joseph prayed for us in the elevator (since we knew it would be the quietest time we would have all morning). We got registered and into our hospital room. The nurse came, helped me change into my hospital gown, and hooked up my IV. My parents showed up soon after we got situated, and this helped distract me (and Joseph!) Shortly after 10 they came and wheeled me to the operating room. I don't remember much at this point. They had me shift to a different bed, put a mask on me and that was that. About 1.5 hours later I begin to wake up. I was in a lot of pain, but the nurse said that everything went well. I was teary, but so worn out. I kept asking over and over again if I could see Joseph and if my parents were still there! She was so patient with me and kept adjusting my pain medicine until I finally was semi comfortable.
They wheeled me back to my room with my parents & Joseph. That may have been the best part of my entire day! Once back there they told me that Dr. Malizia said all went well and looked beautiful. A new nurse came in and she gave me good pain medication. Mom and Dad left while I was resting and then Joseph and I got to leave to come home around 2:15. I am still sore. I spent all weekend resting but the pain just hasn't quite gone away. We will go for my post-op visit on the 12th of February. But until then, I can't lift, push, or pull anything heavy. Everything just has to take time to heal!
We are anxious to get the ball rolling again but are so relieved at how God has answered every prayer up to this point! (Including financial prayers - everything has been cheaper than we expected!)
My biggest concern was how nervous and worked up I can get. So anytime people asked what they could be praying for, I replied to pray for calmness and peace. Over and over again that was my prayer and the prayers of many others around us. God answered that prayer more than I ever could have imagined. We had to be at the hospital at 8AM. When we got there I was so calm. Joseph prayed for us in the elevator (since we knew it would be the quietest time we would have all morning). We got registered and into our hospital room. The nurse came, helped me change into my hospital gown, and hooked up my IV. My parents showed up soon after we got situated, and this helped distract me (and Joseph!) Shortly after 10 they came and wheeled me to the operating room. I don't remember much at this point. They had me shift to a different bed, put a mask on me and that was that. About 1.5 hours later I begin to wake up. I was in a lot of pain, but the nurse said that everything went well. I was teary, but so worn out. I kept asking over and over again if I could see Joseph and if my parents were still there! She was so patient with me and kept adjusting my pain medicine until I finally was semi comfortable.
They wheeled me back to my room with my parents & Joseph. That may have been the best part of my entire day! Once back there they told me that Dr. Malizia said all went well and looked beautiful. A new nurse came in and she gave me good pain medication. Mom and Dad left while I was resting and then Joseph and I got to leave to come home around 2:15. I am still sore. I spent all weekend resting but the pain just hasn't quite gone away. We will go for my post-op visit on the 12th of February. But until then, I can't lift, push, or pull anything heavy. Everything just has to take time to heal!
We are anxious to get the ball rolling again but are so relieved at how God has answered every prayer up to this point! (Including financial prayers - everything has been cheaper than we expected!)
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
Infertility Journey update
I haven't updated in awhile, mainly because I am still attempting to process everything these days. Back in October I made two appointments, with two different doctors. I ended up really liking the first one I met, so I canceled the 2nd appointment and decided to stick with the first doctor. At first visit, we chatted, (Joseph came with me), she did an exam, took lots of blood and scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound in three weeks.
Joseph was able to go with me to the ultrasound appointment. Everything look ok and we talked with Dr. M again. At the first visit we discovered that my thyroid is off, so I am now on medicine for hypothyroidism. My cycles are not regular at all, so I got a progesterone shot that day with a plan to take Letrozole once My cycle started. Poor Joseph. He is so patient, but being an already emotional person, the extra hormones make me even more emotional!
Once the cycle began, I was to have another ultrasound. At this one we discovered that I have a polyp in my uterus. We had to put taking the Letrozole on hold. If I were to get pregnant while having the polyp, it could potentially cause a miscarriage.
I go this Thursday for a test called an Endosee. The doctor will go into my uterus with a tiny camera to look around. I wish I could say that I wasn't worried, but I am. It is possibly similar to the HSG I had 2 years ago, which did not go well for me. At this point, they may go ahead and biopsy the polyp. Then we will decide if/when I will have surgery to remove the polyp.
We covet any and all prayers. Pray first, that Thursdays test is not horrible and that it goes off smoothly. Pray that I do not become anxious, as being tense can exasperate the pain! Also, pray that the biopsy results are good. It is very unlikely that the polyp is anything but a polyp, but we will continue to pray that is the case!
I am so thankful for the support system that I have through this infertility journey. I cry a lot, and most days I am not sure how to really handle and process everything. BUT the thing I do know for sure is that God is GREAT and MIGHTY and is in all things and all situations. Love you all.
Joseph was able to go with me to the ultrasound appointment. Everything look ok and we talked with Dr. M again. At the first visit we discovered that my thyroid is off, so I am now on medicine for hypothyroidism. My cycles are not regular at all, so I got a progesterone shot that day with a plan to take Letrozole once My cycle started. Poor Joseph. He is so patient, but being an already emotional person, the extra hormones make me even more emotional!
Once the cycle began, I was to have another ultrasound. At this one we discovered that I have a polyp in my uterus. We had to put taking the Letrozole on hold. If I were to get pregnant while having the polyp, it could potentially cause a miscarriage.
I go this Thursday for a test called an Endosee. The doctor will go into my uterus with a tiny camera to look around. I wish I could say that I wasn't worried, but I am. It is possibly similar to the HSG I had 2 years ago, which did not go well for me. At this point, they may go ahead and biopsy the polyp. Then we will decide if/when I will have surgery to remove the polyp.
We covet any and all prayers. Pray first, that Thursdays test is not horrible and that it goes off smoothly. Pray that I do not become anxious, as being tense can exasperate the pain! Also, pray that the biopsy results are good. It is very unlikely that the polyp is anything but a polyp, but we will continue to pray that is the case!
I am so thankful for the support system that I have through this infertility journey. I cry a lot, and most days I am not sure how to really handle and process everything. BUT the thing I do know for sure is that God is GREAT and MIGHTY and is in all things and all situations. Love you all.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Being a firefighter's wife
Yesterday we got a text that is similar to one I often fear getting. Where there is a phone call or a knock at my door. Except thankfully, Joseph was the one handing me the phone with the text, not the one that it was about.
Joseph's lieutenant siezed while at work yesterday. After hearing the details it was awful. Thankfully he seems to be doing alright, but it scared this wife's heart. This line of work that Joseph does is scary, but it is also much needed. I am not sure I will ever get used to hearing details about calls with machetes or ever stop worrying that I will get that call that something has happened to J. But what I am going to do is continue to trust more and more that God is sovereign and looking out for us. That no matter what, HE is in control.
Pray for the guys who had to work on their own "brother" yesterday. I'm feel very protective over these guys and when they all hurt, it makes me sad. Pray for the LT. That he will continue to recover and get back to his normal self.
This isn't normally what I put on this blog, but it does seem to be a big part of our current journey, so I figured why not include it! Love you all!
Monday, August 22, 2016
Transparency part 2
I have so many friends lately who are contemplating adoption or foster care. And I love it! I think it is an amazing thing that they are doing. I even love the idea of it myself. I just don't feel at peace about it. It makes me cry just thinking about it, because it is something I want. I know God is in control of all of this. So I just am constantly praying for peace and clarity in ALL situations. I often think "maybe we should start looking into the adoption process". But then I feel restless and stressed and it never feels right. So please just continue to pray with and for us. And pray that God provides me with someone to really talk to about all of this, because it's hard, and very few understand.
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